Exit 15E NJ Turnpike - Newark Jesus

Contrary to popular belief, the city’s namesake is not a reference to the Biblical account of the ark of Genesis 6. Puritans evicted from Connecticut sought to name their "New Work" in New Jersey. They settled on the shortened, "Newark" for their newly created theocracy.

I spent last weekend visiting family in the Constitution State. My friend Todd graciously drove to Penn Station, Newark to provide me with a ride home. With just one wrong turn we wound up off Ferry Street under the festively colored lights of the Brasilia Grill.

The billboard overhead read, "Stop the Killings in Newark Now!" But nothing in Newark could stop two hungry Jersey guys the satisfaction of experiencing the never-ending meat marathon known as rodizio. Gastronomical visions of bacon-wrapped tenderloin on a stick far outweighed any sense of perceived danger.

Seated and impatiently waiting for the first round of beef, I sensed someone looking over my shoulder. There he was. Jesus.

"Hey, you down there, give thanks before you eat."

"O.K., O.K., thanks for the not-so-subtle reminder, Lord."

"Eat all those little skewed chicken hearts," he replied.

"No, no. I don’t like eating hearts, chicken or otherwise," I fretted.

Soon afterwards, a nice Portuguese man in culturally themed clothing plopped a skewer of grilled hearts on my plate. Oh crap.

Reality check: Jesus didn’t actually speak to me through the wall mural at the Brasilia Grill. However, he did speak these words and the King James Version says it best:

"Labor not for the meat which perisheth, but for the meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you: for him hath God the Father sealed." John Chapter 6.