Exit 37 Route 80 Rockaway Jesus

A few years back, Rockaway NJ was the epicenter of one of the biggest Christian conflicts this state has ever experienced when the decision was made relocating the very urban Christ Church from Montclair to rustic, sedated, Rockaway. I’m assuming since it hasn’t been much in the paper much lately, that it has calmed down and a recent trek to the local Christian bookstore gave no indication that the controversy was still a brewing.

Once inside the store, I was immediately drawn to the plethora of Kneeling Santa statues and figurines. Now I realize that Christians have been trying to reconcile the whole Santa-in-Christmas thing but I did find Santa kneeling at our Savior’s cattle troth a bit odd, if not creepy.

A soft-spoken Sunday schoolish-looking sales person approached me. "Do you know the story of Santa and baby Jesus?" she asked. At first I thought she was kidding, but she looked way too sincere. I thought for a moment that perhaps she held the secret why in my hometown, Santa is right there at the manger (along with Sponge Bob and a few of Snow White’s Dwarfs).

So right there in the middle of the Family Christian Bookstore I heard the most amazing story in which I’ll give you the very abridged version:

Santa finds a young boy asleep in some hay/Santa wakes the young boy up/young boy wants to see how Santa makes the toys/Santa slips on ice/ breaks his leg/there’s a lost reindeer/young boy moves in with Santa/young boy makes Santa a pair of crutches/boy instructs the elves to modify the sleigh to be more like a chaise lounge/Santa delivers presents with the boy on Christmas eve/Santa finishes his rounds but boy insists he has one more stop/boy shows Santa where he was born/Santa hobbles to a stable filed with animals, wise men, Mary and Joseph/Santa kneels to worship the baby.

And I thought the story of Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer was strange. She looked me in the eye and said, "Of course this is not historically correct."
　
But alais,
Phil 2:10 …at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth.

Exit 52 Route 80 - Fairfield Jesus

As with other New Jersey townships, Fairfield shares its namesake with yet another in the state. Known as Fairfield only since 1924, you would have thought the townsfolk would have come up with something a bit more original.

I recently walked into a Christian retail store in town and to my surprise, Jesus was for sale. When exactly did Jesus leave the church and get into the retail business?

Didn’t Protestants once bash Catholics for buying indulgences and absolution? Forget all that, I can go straight to the god-man himself, for a price.

Ya know, I was always taught, "Jesus paid the price for my sins," so why would I need to buy a Jesus?

The makers of the Jesus doll (yes, doll) state, "It is an interactive figure for children and adults alike. It conveys love, compassion and security. It is incredibly huggable…it gives and takes loving, meaningful hugs whenever they are needed." After an argument with the Mrs. or a bad day at the office, there’s nothing like getting a big ole meaningful hug from a fiber-filled Jesus.

Also in the toy section was, "The Risen Savior Set." "Experience and celebrate the death and resurrection of Christ with these educational action figures," so says the box. An action figure Jesus? Wait, he’s on the shelf next to….is that, Bibleman? Look, there’s even a plastic Bible in B-man’set, then again, The Risen Savior does come with a roll-away stone.

At what point do parents explain that Jesus is real, and Bibleman is, well, that guy from Celebrity Fit Club 6?

We are a total consumer-driven culture as Jesus steps down from the sanctuary and on to the retail rack.

1 Corinthians

"You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. "

Which kind of contadicts the concept of buying a retail store Jesus.