Exit 8 NJTP Freehold Jesus

New Jersey may be the only state in the Union without an official State Anthem, but anyone who lives here knows we were all Born to Run (nothing says I love NJ better than a song about fleeing the state). And that brings us to Freehold Borough, home to The Boss: Bruce Springsteen, not to be confused with Freehold Township, home to Kal Penn of Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle fame.

The Boss immortalized this town forever with the song, My Hometown from his Born in the USA album but the hometown fav actually is his rendition of Jersey Girl (big hair and all). But alas, there still room for a bit of Jesus in this Central Jersey town, and this Jesus gets bigger over time with a little H2O.

There’s a company in Freehold, which markets the "Grow Your Own Jesus" with the tag, "because he’s awesome!" We all know Jesus famously walked on water, but this mini-Jesus needs to be put in a glass of water to grow (for 10 days, to be exact). This made-in-China "toy" comes with a choking hazard warning along with a "bonus mini bible". For real.

As Christians stateside smuggle the Holy Scriptures into China, the Chinese seem to have no problem shrinking it down and exporting it back into the global economy. Though this version has a picture of the Garden of Eden smack in between I & II Corinthians, nonetheless, passages from all 66 books of the bible are well represented in the proper order.

The back packaging of this product even comes with this note: If you pray this prayer of salvation with true conviction and heart, you are now a follower of Jesus and have entered the family of God. It is then followed by the "Sinner’s Prayer" – word for word.

Matthew 1:21 from the mini-bible: "Thou shalt call his name JESUS for he shall save his people from their sins."

Exit 151 GSP Montclair Jesus Pt 3

Any excuse to check out the coolness of Urban Outfitters is just fine with me, so when Pastor John e-mailed me inquiring about the Band-Aid Jesus, I just had to go there to pick him up a box. Good thing I went when I did, Band-Aid Jesus was almost sold-out!

Pastor John will be receiving the last box.

I grabbed that box and made a mad dash for the register. I was greeted by a heavily facial-pierced 20-something who tried in vain to ring it up. "Sir, I’m sorry, the register is having problems with Jesus today, the Jesus is showing an error." "That’s fine, I can wait" I said, and that’s when it caught my eye. Off in the distance I spotted a bowl filled with "Pocket Calming Buddha’s" but my Jesus-sense told me there just had to be a "Pocket Jesus" somewhere in that bowl. I lunged for the bowl and my eyes beheld one solitary, Pocket Jesus Heals. I guess the trendy people of Montclair would rather having a healing Jesus in their pocket than a calming Buddha. Well, frankly, so do I.

Back to the cashier chick: "I can’t ring the band-aids under ‘Jesus’, I can only ring it up under "the humping bunny band-aid". I can’t make this stuff up. "But I’m buying the band-aids for Pastor John," I replied. "Do you think this will be a problem?" she asked. "Nah, you know God talks much for about sex in the Bible than eternal damnation," I responded. She looked up with all her piercings and said, "Huh." "It’s all in the good book, you should read it sometime," and I left Urban Outfitters.

Matthew 22:29

Jesus replied, "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God."

Next week: the wonders packed into the little Pocket Jesus box. Hint: Little does Urban Outfitters know - they really know how to spread The Word.