Pastor John will be receiving the last box.
I grabbed that box and made a mad dash for the register. I was greeted by a heavily facial-pierced 20-something who tried in vain to ring it up. "Sir, I’m sorry, the register is having problems with Jesus today, the Jesus is showing an error." "That’s fine, I can wait" I said, and that’s when it caught my eye. Off in the distance I spotted a bowl filled with "Pocket Calming Buddha’s" but my Jesus-sense told me there just had to be a "Pocket Jesus" somewhere in that bowl. I lunged for the bowl and my eyes beheld one solitary, Pocket Jesus Heals. I guess the trendy people of Montclair would rather having a healing Jesus in their pocket than a calming Buddha. Well, frankly, so do I.
Back to the cashier chick: "I can’t ring the band-aids under ‘Jesus’, I can only ring it up under "the humping bunny band-aid". I can’t make this stuff up. "But I’m buying the band-aids for Pastor John," I replied. "Do you think this will be a problem?" she asked. "Nah, you know God talks much for about sex in the Bible than eternal damnation," I responded. She looked up with all her piercings and said, "Huh." "It’s all in the good book, you should read it sometime," and I left Urban Outfitters.
Jesus replied, "You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God."
Next week: the wonders packed into the little Pocket Jesus box. Hint: Little does Urban Outfitters know - they really know how to spread The Word.